At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
This toilet bowl is my home.
Randomize
