Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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