my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
