What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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