im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize