Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Randomize
