She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
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