I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Randomize
