you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
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