fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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