I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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