for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
