How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
