so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
The beer is more important than you right now.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize