i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
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