This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize