Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Do vagina's smell?
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
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