big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Holy shit dude........stairs
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
