I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Randomize
