Can i not drive my cunt home
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
