I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Your dad touched me again.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
