turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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