i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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