Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Randomize
