I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
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