Plan B is the new Plan A
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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