I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
