So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
