I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
