i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
