no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
