it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Randomize
