September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
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