Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Randomize
