Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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