walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Randomize
