quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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