DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize