The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
