it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
