i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
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