i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
