The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
