we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Randomize
