he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
he told me I talked like a deaf person
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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