Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
