Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize
