A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
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