He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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