Tell her she can't have a vagina
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
