I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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