Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
