Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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