You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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