Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
