I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
