Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
