I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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