My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
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