I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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