who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Randomize