Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
