My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
