I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Randomize
