no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Ketchup is God's man juice
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Randomize
