Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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