Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Randomize
