I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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