Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
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