girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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