like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
