Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
