Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Randomize
