There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Randomize
