I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
