perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
