You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
