she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
We're too hungover to prance.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
