the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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