Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
