it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize