so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
