Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Randomize
