she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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