Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
