now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
