I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
