Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
id be glad to
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
