Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
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