none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
