I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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