Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
