Your mouth is God's brothel.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Randomize
